Failasuf Chi-Town

Only we are capable of establishing a new world order because we are a grassroots revolution. We are a hegemony so we have to give non-arabs the tarbiyya so that the ummah can be one monolithic lump of robots that will worship like Sayyid Sabiq. God will not accept other forms of worship because its based on blind following of medieval sages rather than the modern scholars like us who are instand and rational.

In this city, we are moving into the next phase. We are now in the phase of reaching out. We have to reach out to university campuses. We dont want MSAs. They’re for Desis. They don’t know Islam because they don’t speak Arabic. We’re Arabs. We deserve to lead because only we know the sufferings of Palestines. Only we know the evils of Mubarak. Only we understand the Quran. Only Syed Qutb knows tafsir, and he’s one of us. We’ll give you tarbiyya so you will immitate Syed Qutb.

We have to take over all other local-based Islamic organizations here. They are isolated, they are not united with other organizations throughout the country. Its our duty to give them tarbiyya and turn them all into… yakni… Arab robots.

Oh, we dont want to leave out black Africans. Unlike Desis, blacks are more stupid. They dont know anything other than cursing, drugs and alchohol. Desis are easy to give tarbiyya because they all meet up at their Desi masjids. But blacks are hard to approach. They loiter around the ghetto streets, all spread out. To pull them in, we have to pretend to be like them. Wear our pants around our thighs, caps to the side. And bring them all together and party and dance to Latino-Moroccan-Punjabi rap. And then we’ll brainwash them. They’re stupid so all we need is five minutes to give them tarbiyya. Then all of them can be just like us Egyptians or Palestinians.

Jazaks.. mabruks.. hamdalah… Lets join the movement, yalla.. yalla…

p/s: Siapakah “awak” yang saya maksudkan?

Ceramah divine love membuatkan saya dibuai haqiqat al-Jamil. Tapi dalam pada itu, saya teringat juga bahawa ada zikir tertentu yang membuatkan kita jadi panas. Zikir yang mengingatkan kita kepada haqiqat al-Jalil.

Cuba ikuti naratif berikut:

“Satu hari tu, saya berada dalam keretapi menuju Rabat. Kabin yang agak kosong menghadiahkan peluang lumayan. Hingga 21000 kali tasbih zaytun celupan minyak sandalwood dipetik mengulang kalimah durud al-fatih. Tatkala bangun bila keretapi berhenti di Rabat, saya rasa panas dan menggigil. Dalam pada itu, bertembung pula dengan seorang pemuda di tepi jalan. Entah kenapa dia tiba-tiba cari pasal, mungkin kerana melihat pakaian saya yang berkopiah dan jubah, menghasut saya macam-macam perkara mengarut, hingga bila beliau mengatakan bahawa solat itu tak wajib, saya hilang sabar. Lalu termuntah segala dalil naqliyah ibarat hos bomba. Selepas itu saya lihat segalanya merah padam…